


Start of Time

by alexanderlightweight



Series: Tumblr Prompts [3]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, Introspection, M/M, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 10:46:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20226574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexanderlightweight/pseuds/alexanderlightweight
Summary: Dialogue Prompt: “I love you, okay? I’m here for you.”“I love you, okay?”  Alex whispers softly, so quietly he doesn’t even know if Michael will hear him.  “I’m here for you.”Their embrace tightens, almost painfully so but Alex leans into it with his whole being, knowing that Michael needs this.He needs it too.





	Start of Time

Alex would like nothing more than to go and almost drown himself in the hottest shower he can find. Replace the agony of Michael’s pain and suffering, the heat of the explosion and the sting of grit and sand against his skin with something cleansing and numbing.**  
**

Instead, he finds himself at a crossroads. The last thing he wants to do right now is to leave Michael alone, not when the weight of his grief is almost tangible and all Alex wants to do is buckle under the pressure of it. 

Seeing Michael so empty, so _hollow_ is heartbreaking but Alex doesn’t dare to reach out first. Not when he seems on the verge of shattering.

They end up at the airstream to drop Michael off and Alex follows him. Michael is nearly shaking but he doesn’t flinch when Alex touches his shoulder, gently, he doesn’t turn around either.

It isn’t until Alex turns away that Michael follows, catching him from behind and holding Alex in a way that he can’t offer comfort in return. Instead he can only stand there and hope that there is some respite to be found for Michael. The arms around his waist tighten, a soot singed head of curls tickle his jaw and Michael’s face tucks against his neck with almost silent, shuddering sobs. 

“I love you, okay?” Alex whispers softly, so quietly he doesn’t even know if Michael will hear him. “I’m here for you.” 

Their embrace tightens, almost painfully so but Alex leans into it with his whole being, knowing that Michael needs this.

_He needs it too. _

Too soon it’s ended and no words are said, just a light pressure to his back to let him know it’s time to go. 

Alex doesn’t push his luck, climbs in the car and watches in the mirror until Michael fades into the distance. 

Later, when he’s finally found the words to say. The will to have a conversation that needs to happen, he’s too late. That doesn’t mean his vow has changed, it just means something a little different now, than it did then.

-

It’s months after Caulfield and Alex finds it inexplicably sad that he’s more used to seeing Michael’s expressions twist with sadness, hurt and pain than he is anything else.

It brings him no joy, to always find Michael furious and hurting or to see him using his power to drain himself from energy he doesn’t have. It’s not like they haven’t seen each other over the last few months, but Alex has been working on himself. Michael is never far from his mind but he also isn’t Alex’s priority, he can’t be.

Michael’s made that clear and beyond just respecting that, Alex is working on his own life and his own shit. 

The small clearing behind the cabin is wider now, trees felled haphazardly and Alex is glad for the recent storms. Easy enough to explain the damage away as nature’s tempest rather than his ex-boyfriend’s alien powers.

He settles on the porch, a beer in his own hand and one next to the chair, an offering for Michael to settle. 

It’s the first time Michael’s been to his place and while Alex isn’t sure how he got the address, he also doesn’t need to know who gave it to him. 

The list of people who know is short enough that it doesn’t really matter.

Instead he takes a steady swallow of his drink and presses the side to his neck. Lets the drops of condensation soak into his skin and cool him down.

No words have been spoken and Alex can’t be sure that they will be. He has no intention of inviting Michael in, small spaces never lead to good things between them. Out here, in the open he’s hoping they can use distance and words to actually communicate. 

Or to even just exist, simultaneously without hurting each other through words and deeds or lack thereof.

No matter what other changes have happened in their lives, the universe of who they are is so heavily intertwined that Alex doubts they’ll ever fully be free of the other. 

It’s why Michael’s here after all, even after months and aching days of avoidance.

It feels like both moments and ages pass before Michael joins him. His hat is in his hands but he doesn’t put it on, lets it fall beside the chair as he trades it for a drink. 

He’s in Alex’s peripherals. He can still see Michael, even without looking directly at him, it’s both easier and harder that way.

Alex truly doubts that they’re at a place just yet for long conversations and the unearthing of emotional wounds that still fester under layers of bravado and stoicism. That’s alright though. Nothing will come of anything if it’s the wrong time and Alex knows the dangers of working too quickly and setting off the bomb. It just hurts him that now, Michael knows that danger so intimately as well.

“I love you,” he admits and it doesn’t hurt, the part of his soul that Michael’s claimed. “I’m here for you, okay?” 

Michael doesn’t say anything, but he does take another, longer and more contemplative sip of his beer and that’s enough for Alex. Even if, suddenly from that one declaration, Michael were single and ready for a relationship, it would be the wrong time. That’s not what this is and they both know it. Sometimes, love isn’t a relationship, or romance. Sometimes it’s reminding someone that they aren’t alone in the world and that, in the midst of lives rife with secrets, there is someone who knows and loves them, every part of them from the worst to the best.

Sometimes, as Alex has been learning over these last long months, it’s also learning to love yourself.

-

Alex is not a careless person. He is meticulous and intuitive and most of all, slightly paranoid. It’s how he’s survived so long and why Michael’s ashen and terrified face fills him not with joy but with something much closer to irritation.

“I’m fine,” he says and he means it. “I just hit the ground a bit hard, that’s all.” 

Michael just reaches out his hand and Alex sighs, knowing that it’ll be easier to just accept the help. It surprises him when instead of being steadied and released, he’s instead pulled into a firm, almost breathtaking embrace that makes his heart pound and his head spin.

“I’m here for you,” Michael whispers close to his ear, “I’m right here, _let me_ be here for you. Okay?” Then after a moment his voices lowers even more, “_please_, Alex.”

Alex immediately tries to pet at Michael’s back, patting him awkwardly with the way he barely has any leverage. It occurs to him then, that the last time Michael saw an explosion he’d both met and lost his mother. No words can come to him that will soothe that reopened and newly raw wound. 

It’s too soon for them. He knows it from the way Michael is shaking and the muffled whispers of “I love you” that are nearly stolen away from his ears by the wind and the lingering roar in his ears.

They’ve been learning and discovering each other but this, this has the potential to backfire and burn everything they’ve been building.

There is never going to be a sudden ease to their journey. They mess up -_they always have with each other-_ but they never stop trying. 

They know each other’s lowest and highest times but they don’t know each other, they don’t even truly know themselves.

Michael’s spent so much time looking, searching and desperately seeking answers to who and what he is that he’s always ignored that he was already _someone_. 

Alex buried who he was so deep that he lost himself, seeing only a stranger in the mirror and the shadow of his family chasing him. 

It’s okay though. They have time. 

After all, when they meet each other’s eyes, they’re seventeen again with years ahead and space to grow. 

**Author's Note:**

> Another response to a lovely prompt that I originally intended to be fluff and nope.
> 
> I'm on tumblr as [alexanderlightweight](https://alexanderlightweight.tumblr.com)


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